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Current Music:matisyahu
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Time:08:59 pm
Current Mood:nostalgicnostalgic
I miss a lot of things since I stopped playing. Certain moments you will always remember but can only share with a select few because if you try to tell anyone else, they just look at you like you have three heads. Why would you commit your entire life to a stupid game and spend hours every night talking about one 3 minute game that may have happened three years ago. They will never understand because they have never lived the life. They can see it on television but will never know what those guys feel like before a game or why they get so angry after they lose. After all, its just a silly kids game with some balls filled with bright colors and a toy gun you can buy at Wal Mart. It has a way of producing experiences and a long string of moments that, for some reason, you will never forget, even if you move on to other things. It creates such vivid rushes of adrenalin and fun, beacause you know the right then, that momnet was what you LIVED for. Every ounce of pride, skill, and teamwork built up from a whole career is poured into one weekend, one day, one game, one flag hang, one trigger pull.

It happens on a random Monday. Coming back from an event or late on a Sunday night, right before you get on the plane and your about to be frisked for the third time. You're driving, you're flying, you're sitting in an airport seat with boys from the team. Your drinking stale coffee trying to stay awake. Your explaining a fat welt on the side of your neck to a confused stranger or a best friend.....or running through the sidewalk at LAX, trying to catch a plane. Your coming back to the other life..The one without paintball. Where no one understands why you do it. You're tired. You're working off little sleep and a question creeps up, but all you can do is try to ignore it. Why do I do this? Why the travel? Why the losses? The missed worked, the missed school, the hours of practice and the complaining girlfriend?

Because the lure of living the paintball life is just too potent. The products of the road, the travel, the friends are memories forever of trips, passion, and strange lands with stranger people. At tournaments it feels like for once you get to live as loud as you want. Its worth the sacrifices....its worth all the bullshit. Because you know if you work hard enough, a Sunday will roll around and you'll be in the huddle screaming, your hand in, one among ten, playing for the world title. Suddenly all those cliches you've ever heard make sense, and you are defined. You say it to yourself and it means everything, I am a paintball player and this moment, right here, is my life...
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Current Music:my own migraine
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Subject:ready and waiting to fall
Time:10:59 am
Current Mood:groggygroggy
drowning,
just as fast as i can.
but dont throw me a line.
dont reach out your hand.
cause, im on the brink of something beatiful.
and i want to sing about it,
but i dont know where to begin.
writing a letter,
but the words dont come out right.
trying to explain how noone can do me like..
you don't understand how helpless i can get.
since the day that we met, oh can you feel it yet.
its never been more perfect for me in my life.
ive never been so satisfied. oh oh oh.
i can feel something different for the first time.
having made sense, when all the words rhyme.
no chance of stopping now, im taking it all.
and now im caught in the air, its a good life.
pass it up?, i wouldnt dare or wonder why, alright.
i remeber being ready and waiting to fall.
just like i did tonight.
spinning,
around and around.
until my left was my right.
and up became down.
just one look can knock me off of my feet.
so unable to speak, oh how you make me weak.
though it was a while ago, i still can recall.
that moments all ready and waiting to fall.
keep thinking back in time, remebering when,
you captured my heart, over and over again.
its never been more perfect for me in my life.
ive never been so satisfied. oh oh oh.
i can feel something different for the first time.
having made sense, when all the words rhyme.
no chance of stopping now, im taking it all.
and now im caught in the air, its a good life.
pass it up?, i wouldnt dare or wonder why, alright.
i remeber being ready and waiting to fall.
just like i did tonight.
(waiting to fall.)
i can feel something different for the first time.
having made sense, when all the words rhyme.
no chance of stopping now, im taking it all.
and now im caught in the air, its a good life.
pass it up?, i wouldnt dare or wonder why, alright.
i remeber being ready and waiting to fall.
just like i did tonight.
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Current Music:alkaline trio
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Subject:phish foods
Time:11:48 pm
Current Mood:aggravatedaggravated
what am i supposed to do next?
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Current Music:battle of los angeles
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Subject:go forward grasshopper
Time:10:59 pm
Current Mood:indescribableindescribable
gah.
why do people forgive over and over when they shouldnt?
why do people do the fucked up things that shouldnt be forgiven?
good people can be stupid sometimes.
or maybe just naive.
or maybe too connected to let go and never forgive.
or maybe i'm wrong and its good to forgive.
until they get burned again.
people never change.
they shouldnt get third chances.
or maybe they should and i need to start giving them.
o well.

my paintball friends pretty much hate me by now.
they think i abandoned them and i dont want to be part of the family we created.
that i think im too good for them, i have better things to do than help chase their silly dream. it isnt my dream, ive been there. its time for them to do it on their own.
why should i force my way back into the spotlight i never wanted?
ive acheived all i have to acheive, and its time for me to stop. end of story. its over. dont ask me about it anymore. if one more person comes up to me and says, do you still play paintball? werent you like, really good?> i think im gonna put a sign on my back that says no i dont do it bcuz i got sick of the politics, the fighting, the commitments, and the bullshit.

my phone has stopped ringing
i can delete about 110 people out of my contacts.
but i dont care. im starting over.
your sport will die without the money. who brings the money? the kids.
we were the kids heroes. the lil' street ballers saving their allowance to buy paint or dvd to see how to play and dress like one of the untouchables, to buy a new gun cuz their favorite team switched sponsors.
your sport is dying, now save it before its too late.


meanwhile, it gives me a warm feeling seeing my real friends every day. hearing someone walk by the window where i work and go "TYLER!" i feel loved and that maybe i make someones life happier, thats all i care about. i love having the gift to make people laugh even 4 a second. knowing that they can turn to me when their life sucks and know ill get a giggle here and there makes me feel like im saving their life, it assures me theyll be able to keep going thinkin about that stupid thing i did or said.

pat and trey asked me for a pic of them, and so did tom, so im gonna start workin on it. i have no ideas, but trust, itll be crappy fo sho

whos the master???
SHO'NUFF!!
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Security:
Time:06:03 pm
dont want to be your regret,






i'd rather be your cocoon.....


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Current Music:holes to heaven
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Subject:id rather be bowling
Time:12:47 am
Current Mood:quixoticquixotic
i want out of here.

when you see part of the world outside this place and these streets, you never want to stay here long enough to get used to the things everyone else accepts as part of their everyday lives.

i gave up a lot too be here now while i have to be, thinking i have my whole life to not.

(be here, that is)

im gonna apply to baltimore international university cuz i can go to europe and ireland and junk and u dont even have to be smart.

ok i am smart i guess but im lazy, so who cares.

i know. a smart person would know ireland is in europe. fuck off.

i dont rweed good..

confused? me too.

ne way.

elaine once wove me a tale of the 3 day rule, where you cant be with one of your friends for more than 3 days or you get so sick of them you just want them to go home, and how her and kelly just know how its time for her to go. i dont feel that way with many people, just beacause their company can make me stop thinking about stuff i dont want to but cant help thinking about.

still confused? me three. im done talking in codes. trust.

breaking benjamin in dewey was pretty profitable. awesome set but short. told work i had diareaha(sp) and there was a fight right next to us. singer took pepcid ac in the middle of the show for acid reflux which was funny. silvertide sucked. i thought i was watching motley crue reunion on vh1...

*tomorrow=beach and surfing*
no work aka sorry every no free shit at least for 1 day lol.

peace.
-tyler
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Current Music:boys night out
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Subject:how jedi are you?
Time:01:00 pm
Current Mood:awakeawake

how jedi are you?
:: by lawrie malen
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Current Music:american idiot
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Time:12:46 pm
Current Mood:gloomygloomy
paintball is ending and im going to miss it for however long its gone. my boys and my girls, all the poeple ive met and the places ive gone, the drunk antics, nudity, victory, and the losses. im gonna miss it. thanks every1 who helped a little kid with potential....

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WINSTON"S QUOTE OF THE WEEK 6/24: You Are Whack! You Don't Even Like The Beach!!!!"



Scott Kemp and his girlfriend AKA "Girlore"
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Current Music:close your mouth and open your eyes
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Subject:bonfires, beachfootball.
Time:11:43 am
Current Mood:exanimateexanimate
bonfire.
assateague.
nick nitro.
kimii.
mallory.
trae.
abby.
kt con.
travis.
jody.
jake woot.
matt woot.
steffi.
marshalll.
california.
hooks.
too much lighter fluid, marsh...
ripped t-shirts.
good story, stef.
where's tricia?
did anyone call jefro?
reisters probably reading a book.
smores.
de-lish.
plastic frisbee: $1.95.
burning it to see what happens: priceless.
mvp of beach football game =kt con clotheslines jody.
pulled over for having 7 people in the back of my truck.
forget to roll down my window when the cop came up.
"im not gonna talk through the window sir...".
pulled over cuz marshall broke the fence so we could get our cars out. no tickets.
fuck the po-lice.
we went to the grocery store like a big family.
they called me the creepy uncle.
most fun i've had sober in a long time.
straight edge can be fun.
gave out pizza at work to everyone i knew.
probly like 100 bucks worth.
i love my friends and their more important than keeping a job.
i hate drama.
if you're bringing that into your life, your stupid.
if you bring any more than i already have into my life, theres the door.



Do you remember the time when you and i were fine
hiding under the apple tree there was no one but you and me
we would hide from passing cars and we would have the *summer stars*

and we were better then then we'd ever been before
you came back to me after walking out my door
you would call me on the phone before you even got home
without me you said you were all alone

the cold wind that blows all the things i used to know
how could it play so fast never thought you'd be part of my past
would i trade it all again to get you out of my head?
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Current Music:rammstein
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Subject:sammiches
Time:10:20 pm
Current Mood:flirtyflirty
well a bunch of people have asked what the story behind this quote is, and here it is. at practice in jersey, we were hungry as hell but the shop already closed for the day cuz it was dark out. we saw a that inside a bunch of the other tents teams had coolers and shit prolly with "sammiches" as winston so eloquently put it. we put like black sweatshirts on and snuck around and i said "we're gonna be silent, like ghosts" and he said "thats stupid dude, if we we're ghosts we wouldnt be able to eat, and we wouldn't have to be silent. their on a different plane of existence than us." i was like "wtf are you talking about" he says "we're in the spirit world, asshole, they cant see us, or hear us so who cares if we're quiet or not, so theres no way we can be ghosts, jesus christ!..." so yea, hes an idiot haha...heres a pic i call crazy eyes i got jumped by the camera man and he scurred may...Image hosted by Photobucket.compittsburgh july 2004
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[icon] My Clever Napkin
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (myspace).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries